Dear Wife

[Bluebird]

Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

* 55 times the sheets were just cleaned
* 32 times it was too late
* 50 times you were too tired
* 19 times it was too hot
* 32 times you pretended to be sleep
* 15 times you had a headache
* 18 times you were afraid of waking the baby
* 15 times you said you were too sore
* 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
* 18 times you had to get up early
* 10 times you said, were not in the mood
* 5 times you were sunburned
* 28 times you were watching the late show
* 12 times you didn’t want to mess up your new hairdo
* 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
* 19 times you said your mother would hear us

Of out the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

* 6 times you just laid there
* 4 times you reminded me there’s a crack in the ceiling
* 8 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
* 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
* 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

 

[Bluebird]

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had got a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your TV programs. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your Ex-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to Wales together!. Have a great life!.